Sunday, 17 March 2013

Group activites

Yesterday I had training for Samaritans. It was only three hours but I had had a shift the night before and after less than 4 hours sleep, I was a bit dull to say the least! I was very apprehensive about the whole thing as it was a large group and I find anything over 6 people an effort sometimes. This is something I always struggled with as a man, I was painfully shy and couldn't cope with crowds or having to participate in any kind of group activity. 

I found that when I came out of the closet, as Lucy I was a lot less shy. Even very early on in my public life, I found I could engage strangers in the street but as my old male self, I wouldn't even be able to make eye contact with anyone. How silly did that seem at the time, as a man with a dress, wig and makeup on, I found myself more comfortable in public. Looking back it all makes sense, I was never meant to be a man and this is why I had all those years of struggling.

However, the man in me hadn't quite disappeared and this was part of the apprehension I was feeling. There were probably 30 in the training and I wondered how I was going to handle it. I'd had some training last year with a dozen of us and I was absolutely useless because of the group issue. It only made sense that with 30, I wasn't going to be any better.

In the end I needn't have worried. I found myself much more confident than I had been in the past and even contributed to the group sections of the training. I am still very new to the organisation but found I could put my piece across in front of everyone. Another nice thing was how friendly everyone was, I wonder whether a few had needed a bit of time to get used to me. 

Today was a walk around the town. After a much needed nights sleep, we got ready to go and I made the point of blow drying my hair with the volumising spray I have. This makes a massive difference to the look of my bob hairstyle and helps fill the small gaps of balding that are sadly there. The rain that had been forecast had been and gone and we even had a little bit of sunshine. If it was a little warmer, we would even have though it was spring but not quite!

Town was pleasant enough and after a coffee in our favourite Costa, we had a walk around Vivary. The park is looking quite nice now, a few flowers are blooming and the grass is looking very lush. The overnight rain left a few puddles in the park and the stream that flows down the side was quite coloured. I got this photo after we had been in the park, Sunday makes for a quieter high street!

We went home via the river and this photo shows that the water is coloured. You can also see the drift on the bank which was where it was when we had the heavy rain in November. I actually had to search back through my previous blog because there was so much rain last year, I was not sure which flood we were talking about.


  1. Lucy,

    With reference to the second paragraph, I have noticed how different I can feel in a given situation when presenting as a woman. I'm not talking so much about confidence rather than how I feel about the situation.

    Someone did suggest to me that it was because I presenting my "real self" as opposed to the masculine façade that I had been used to. Whether that is the case or not, the exploration of a female nature is quite often full of surprises and for me at least, just adds to the sense of fulfilment.

    Susan XXX

    1. Susan,

      I think that's pretty much it for me as well. It really helps enforce for me the point I was never meant to be a man.

      Lucy x

    2. Interesting point, Lucy. That's something to think about.

      Susan XXX