I would like to have thought there was a chance that today's update on my trip to the Laurels was going to be positive. However, it was much the same as last time.
In case you missed that last episode, I found myself questioning why we have to be asked such irrelevant questions. The strange line of questioning left me with a fear of misdiagnosis and even though I asked for support, I found non was really given.
The first 15 minutes of today left me in such a state that we had to call time out and have 5 minutes of deep breathing. It's almost like I am not being listened to. Perhaps my fears are groundless and I am worrying over nothing, but they are there all the same. It didn't help that prior to going in, there was some mix up with my future appointments and then it felt like they were whispering behind my back. This immediately got my back up and I had a bit of a moan about being kept in the dark about things.
So I started in the wrong frame of mind and after I did calm down, we managed to get back on with things. It wasn't actually as hard as last time although I still felt that even the smallest thing was picked to death. I have been told to be honest and open but I sometimes find myself talking about something which I didn't need to have and then it is ripped to shreds to find anything useful in it. Flippant comments are definitely to be avoided. I mentioned that during my "journey", the only recent "fly in the ointment" has been the Laurel's. That was a big mistake because I then had to explain what I meant by that. Again they want honesty, but this just makes me wish I had kept my mouth shut.
So why did I say that? I expected that when I finally got to the Laurel's, I would be getting help and support to help me on my way to becoming the woman I believe I am. The reality has been very far from this expectation. I have had no help or support with the mess I am left in after having to talk. I am lucky in that I have my partner and my friends to help me through this. I have read many testimonials about the Laurel's and what a fantastic place it has been for them. Well for me, the reality is that it is a place of frustration and irritation. Perhaps I am a little different to some in that I do know where I am headed and this is a matter of hoop jumping for me. I do keep stating this to them, and I hope they are pissed off at me for keeping on reminding them, because I feel their plan is not flexible enough to cater for transsexuals like me that have already made the step to RLE.
So back to today and yes, it was actually going to get worse. The initial assessment was over with the psychiatric nurse. This was good news for sure but I now need a doctor to finish this phase off. However, there is an issue with a doctor and no appointments are being made at this moment. In addition, no timescale was offered to me. I pestered to some degree on this point and I could not get anything so I am completely in the dark.
In fact, I was even given another appointment just so I don't become "disconnected". This does not sound good to me but I do have an appointment with my GP in a couple of weeks and will discuss it with her.