Thursday, 11 April 2013

The kindness of women?

There is topic going in a discussion group at the moment about how women (and I am talking about those born this way at birth) and acts of kindness towards those of us transgender.

I wont quote from one post but there are suggestions of female retailers discussing us behind our backs once we have made our purchase and many statements that there is no support from women in general.

This kind of attitude reminds me why I no longer partake in any discussion on message boards or whatever because this and many other such threads are just complete bollocks (a very male profanity and I apologise!).

As a woman in very public life I have encountered many very kind women. To contemplate all those kind shop workers sniggering about me behind my back is simply unthinkable. I refuse to believe of all the hundreds I have engaged with that they are doing this. I would accept a small minority may but I find it very sad that some are that paranoid to suggest that virtually all do so.

The kindness of women has been thrust into my face very recently with the charity shop I work in. Any of the transgender myths I have been subjected to over the years from the transgender community in general have been smashed to oblivion. Firstly the staff, and particularly the manager and assistant, have bent over backwards to accept me in their world as the female I believe I am. They accept that I have had a male past but know that this was not what I ever wanted and treat me as one of their own. Frequently they talk to me about things that you would not expect them to talk to men about. 

Let's not forget the customers as well and many have been exactly the same. The shop is very popular in town and the regulars have gone out of their way. This is all age groups which includes children as well, which really surprised me. A daughter, mum and gran were looking around all three were really chatty with me. Mum even drew me to one side and told me how much she admired me for putting myself in such a public position. It's not something that I actually think about but the compliment did make me feel good and reinforce that feeling that not everyone is against us. 

Again, it's that phrase about everyone is against us. This has kept popping in much of my writing over the last few years and I wonder why I have encountered this attitude so much. 

To leave it on a final high, I was given a birthday card (it's my birthday on Friday) from the manager and cakes were also brought in. Finally, it was insisted that I have a birthday latte at the local coffee shop with her when we shut the shop. I've only been there a fortnight and this just reinforces that the kindness of women is very much alive and well.

(Men are kind too and I have also had many good experiences with them now and in the past.)


  1. A good post, Lucy. I'm sure there are female retails who snigger, but there are also many who accept and respect us for what we are. The problem is the age-old one of taring everyone with the same brush. All women simply don't think and act alike, any more than do all trans-women. And having said that, I suggest that some of our number only have themselves to blame. If you waltz into a shop - or worse still, the ladies loos - looking like the eastern end of a westbound bus and expect to be respected, forget it! And perhaps it's people like that who gravitate to discussion groups like the one you mentioned.

    Once again, warmest congratulations on landing a job in the charity shop. The folk there sound a wonderful bunch and I hope you'll be happy working with them for a long time to come.

  2. You found Charity in the Charity shop! That's a great start in finding your society. No more machine shop for you. As for bickering behind backs, let it be like static, tune into some pleasant music, like Mandy.

    Happy belated B'day. Two ewes.
    Happy belated B'day, Two ewes.
    Happy belated B'day, dear Lucy!
    Happy belated B'day, Two ewes. :-)