Monday, 12 January 2015
It's a little hard to believe but I am actually here sat in my room at the Nuffield hospital in Brighton. The drive up was trouble free and for once I was driven by someone. This was a much appreciated luxury and added to my experience.
I haven't quite been admitted just yet and am just waiting for a nurse to complete that formality. I have had my meal order taken for this evening although being low residue, it is likely to be a little bland.
The clinic manager, Liz Hills, has already been in, welcomed me and talked through a few things as well as giving me a big hug. After all the problems there have been, this meant a great deal to me and I am actually crying remembering it. She let me have my "pack" for discharge and I can see my two dilators and a douche in amongst several other items. It has been very reassuring and the anxiety that has been chronic for months is nearly gone. She commented on how calm I seemed, and yes I am indeed very calm. The next week is full of adventure and even though some of it may not seem pleasant on paper, it will still be part of the experience for me. I intend to fully enjoy it! The reality is that tomorrow, I will wake up after surgery with a vagina! It will be a full 5 days before I can even see it but it so exciting to know that this is going to happen. I feel in a great place at the moment.
I would love to be able to write about it all day by day. It would not just serve as a fantastic resource for any one else intending to have this surgery but also be a good reminder to myself. But I must also be realistic and there is a good chance that I will not be physically capable of writing about it. There is also a good chance that even if I am physically able, I may not want to. I am going to go through a mix of emotions, probably the most powerful ones of my life and I may not want to be writing at this time.
For once, this is all about me. I talked about being kinder to myself and this is one time where I am going to do what I want to do. If I feel able to write and want to, I will, and if I do not, then I will lie back, relax and take it easy.
So I will be back soon, or not so soon but I do promise to write at some stage in the near future. Rest assured I will detail this as best I can, when I can and I hope you will join me when this happens.