It seems now that I am at a point where the future of this blog is in question. It is clearly mis-titled in that I think I have found Lucy, and quite some time ago! I am also at the end of the transitioning side of my journey. Yes, there are more years of feminising effects from the hormones, but to all intents and purposes I am physically there with everything.
However, whilst I may have left my dysphoria behind now, I will always have a trans past and helping others is in my mindset. This means that I will probably continue to do my current work with the trans community. Blogging is one such way I can help people; by sharing my experiences I can reassure others as to how they can proceed with their own journeys.
Debunking bullshit is one such passion of mine. Recently I witnessed someone stating that they had been close to death on the table during their GRS and it took 2 hours for them to be revived. This same person was stating they were walking around the ward 24 hours after this event.
This makes me incredibly angry and the only reason for someone to post crap like this is for attention seeking. My fear is that people who may desperately need GRS to help with the physical dysphoria, may feel apprehensive after reading such a thing. We need to be mindful that there are risks involved with the surgery, as with any surgery, but they are not excessive. We also need to be reminded that the satisfaction rates (those that are happier with their lives) following GRS are as high as 97%, which is staggering compared with any other major surgery. When I hear someone spouting bullshit as severe as this, I feel I must do something to counter it.
My blog is one way I can do this. On here, you get the truth. Everything is a reflection of my own experiences and anything else is a result of serious research. When something is researched, I often say that is the case and often link to some of that research. Someone recently thanked me for what I had written about my GRS, on the eve of their surgery. They said it was a great insight and they didn't feel so lost. This made me feel very happy, that my words had helped calm someone down. This person reading that someone was near death might have been in a much worse position. I had very little to refer to prior to my surgery, but as a person, I was very calm and relaxed; even as I was being wheeled down to theatre. Even Liz Hills commented on how calm I was. I knew that was the best place to be in mentally but many are not so blessed with this kind of control.
We have the dilation myths and I recently wrote a long FAQ's about this process. I received a comment on Facebook almost immediately about how some found this a private matter. I responded saying that people must know about the ins and outs prior to their GRS because at the moment, it is all myths. The most common, and no one knows why this is, is that it takes two hours for each session. This is so prevalent, even I believed it before a friend proved to me that she could do it in 40 minutes including shower (no, I did not watch, I was just in her flat whilst she dilated in her bedroom). The longest I have taken for a standard dilation (2 dilators) was 50 minutes and that was the first solo dilation in Brighton which included a first time exploration as well as running and having a bath. I have since recorded 30 minutes including shower. Even the staff at Brighton know about this 2 hours myth, but seem unaware as to why it pervades the trans community.
So for the moment, I feel the need to continue blogging and spread truthful words. I have updates on my recovery and something else I want to do is delve back into the past of my transitioning, material that was on my old website. I really don't want it to become too mundane but may struggle to come up with material at times. When it does feel a struggle, I may have to think again about it all.
It's strange how myths persist, probably because some trans topics are generally considered taboo or at least so 'private' that discussion is thought gross. I entirely agree that post-op experience is extremely valuable, and should be shared. And yet when I was asked some time ago why I discussed dilating gels, women's feelings, and so on, I was sternly told nobody appreciated my posts and I was not only wasting my time but causing offence! Well, of course, I thought them mistaken and persevered.
ReplyDeleteI really believe that anyone with genuine information and insights should speak up.
Lucy
Hi Lucy,
DeleteI made some serious effort to prepare myself for my GRS and this included speaking to others face to face and scouring the internet for as much information as possible. Yours was one such blog I used for a great deal of my research when wanting to prepare myself for GRS and the post-op experience. I remember well the discussion about dilation and in essence recreated a similar post myself to add in my experience as well as a newer version which might be easier to find for those searching. By reading all those experiences myself, when I finally came to the point of inserting a piece of perspex into myself, it was a pleasant time because I knew it was something to not be feared. So even though it is a fair way on from you writing it, thank you for that :)
As a side note, it was lovely to be able to match names of nurses you described with those people for real. A "young" Carla who seems to figure a great deal, she took my pack out and taught me the dilation.
Lucy x
Lucy -
ReplyDeleteYour search is an ongoing process. The goal of the Lucy you want to be will always be up ahead - even if you fulfill every expectation you have. Why is this? You will always be growing, and have goals you set for yourself. As such, you will always be searching, striving to become the person you want to be in the future - even if you are who you want to be right now....
M
Hi Marian,
DeleteYes, I kind of understand and agree with what you are saying. I knew even after GRS that my journey was not over and would never end, but my transitioning is pretty much finished. I still have a few years of feminising effects to come from the hormones but apart from that, there is going to be little else to report. I will at some point need to make a decision as to whether I want to keep writing about the everyday aspect of my life. Will this be of interest to people?
I am moving from a trans to a cisgender life and whilst I still do lots for the trans community now, will I be doing this in the future? At the moment I am still very passionate in trying to help others that are having difficulties but I have a feeling this may dwindle.
Lucy x
Judging by the pageview total I've accumulated since my transition began in earnest in February 2009 - currently over 525,000, most of that in the last three years - I'd say that descriptions of one's everyday life (and perhaps one's personal take on contemporary events and trends) are indeed of consuming interest to a great many people. Having a decent writing style may help, but if people don't like what you write about, or find it boring or downbeat, they won't keep on visiting the blog. So I'd definitely recommend continuance if you can move on from the Trans Story to the Life Story.
ReplyDeleteI also think it helps to illustrate one's blog with pertinent photos, especially if you are in some of them to add authenticity, and make the point that 'this is what a post-op woman really looks like, and this is what she really gets up to'.
I'm pretty sure that some kind of ongoing chronicle must appeal to a lot of readers, although whether it's because they want to live your life vicariously - a type of life they'd love to have, but can't for some personal reason - or whether it's because they actually think you are an interesting person and a relevant role model, is something I do not know!
Someone said to me that if I post often enough for people to expect a 'Daily Lucy' they will naturally click on the blog as a habit, like buying a newspaper. I'm not sure that's in any way flattering, but it could well be so.
Lucy
I totally agree with what you are saying. It's this moving on to "life story" that is new territory to me. Who would find that interesting!?! But your stats seem to evidence this. My stats went through the roof in January because I had an audience for my GRS, it has slowed now but still a good reasonable level.
DeleteI take on board about photo's, and they are something I seem to take less of these days. Early on, it was about proving that I was "out there", now the camera hardly comes out of the handbag. Perhaps there is something to consider there, especially seeing as we've just moved to a lovely rural location.
I also have been doing some writing about mental health, and a local organisation has been interested in sharing these thoughts. Writing is a passion anyway and fiction is something I want to have a try at, perhaps a short story.
Yes, lots to think about :)
Lucy x